Trying to have a better outlook on life so i can be a happier person. Status :good so far.. Besides the fact that other peoples actions still affect my mood... I need to work on that. But i have been so fricken these last couple o days its unbelievable...
Yesterday was like thebest day ever and i volunteered and made new friends....
Lol.. I know... Sounds like an afterschool special... But its true.... Life is bliss with minor bumps along the way :)
Anyway , im positively bored right now in age of the dinosaurs... I should be paying attention seeing as how i have to get an A in order to preserve my scholarship.. However... Im bored.. And the lecture is in the book... Meaning i can just read it myself. My eyes are slowly closing.

flow.

just came from the jazmine sullivan and ryan leslie concert. went with my hooker friend alisha... lol... on some real shit.. that concert was something like amazing.

first of all... ryan leslie is an awesome musician.. not cute but talented.. AND above all, the man attended Harvard.. which.. last time i checked... was a big ass deal.

anyway.. ryan leslie was great and then jazmine fuckin killed it... she came out in a bad bitch catsuit with black leather and fly ass shades.... i swear shes a damn diva.... and she sang like no other.... omg could this girl blow... it was uplifting.. and fun.. and just good music...

big ups to j sullivan for representin for the thick girls. amen.

on another note. moved back in my dorm this afternoon. this summer shoudl be interesting. more to come on that.

and...... ive been really thinkin about this lately.. and i think it is safe to say that....
I LOVE CHARLES HAMILTON.

sure he seems like he talks mad shit.. and is kinda a pompous ass... but something about his pink loving, grungy, 80's headphone wearin , smooth talkin self makes me hot.. lol... i know thats weird.. but i really think that if we met.. id prolly fall for him... and im often attracted to jerk (outspoken) guys anyway... idk.. somethin bout him is sexy to me.....

so to you c. hamilton.... you can get it.
real talk. lol.

fucked up.

im repacking for summer school and going through all my old stuff. i found journals all the way from when i was like 8 years old.

shit like that just makes me shake my head and think... damn... my mama gave me the tools for success... i was writing my thoughts down since elementary school.....

and sadly.. as ive been sitting here and going back from 8 years to my 19 now... ive seen how life really happens to a person. its kinda scary how sad i got from the end of middle school to high school. i was a sad.. deep little girl.

which makes me stop, cry, and think... what the hell happened to me? and what the hell am i now?

i was like the nerdiest, most naive.. little girl.. who loved everything and everyone and just wanted to learn and make everyone happy and now...

damn. i fell off. mama taught me better than this.

today.

today has been a great, peaceful, uneventful, quiet (well besides the biggie music) day.

i havent felt this relaxed in a while. i cleaned the kitchen and did all the laundry and swam (swum?) some laps and it has been great. :)...

tonite should be like super fun because its my best sluts bday and were going downtown to paint it red !!! i havent been out in a month since my bday... and i kinda feel like its gonna be just as great :)

ive decided that going back to lameville next week wont be as bad as ive been anticipating.. because ill be able to chill with my cuz, my aunt, and my gurls, without getting into trouble. and ive decided that all the numbers i lost in my phone accident can stay lost.

my new mantra is... if someone wants to get in contact with you, for whatever reason, they will find a way.

ive got no time to chase :).

anywho.... im sitting here trying to decide how to wear my hair tonite... and i really wish my hair was low on the sides and only long and curly on the top like kesh's... but my madre would kill me.. so ill just dream....

anywho... im also thinkin about the new tatt that im going to get... madre said i wasnt allowed to get anymore tatts WITH HER MONEY... so... i plan to use mine... haha...

im thinking either an owl, or wings of some sort, and i want to add to my judah tatt.. by writing.. "dont gain the world and lose your soul" under it... since thats another one of my mantras.

cant wait for that. :)

home.

once again i am left to hold down the fort while the family goes away. wish i could have gone too... but damnit i have to work tmrw mornin...

my little brother is playing in the junior olympics!!! aww exciting.

meanwhile.. im at home watching fashion shows and doing laundry and swimming and packing.... fun fun :)

btw.. i downloaded mista fab's mixtape last nite... and its honestly not thast bad....i like the songs he flowed over.. so it gets my vote :)

home.

finally home from cali. kinda bittersweet because i love home. but i love cali. basically i love any city besides gville/orlando.

L.A is amazing but filled woth opportunists ... more like parasites... people who feed off of fame, money and attention...

dont get me wrong.. who wouldnt want to be known??... i know i would.. but its the way people go about things in L.A that makes me think that if I lived there i would definitley have to watch my back...

i think im too nice for all that as of now...

however L.A is beautiful and this week ive eaten at some of the most wonderful places.

i ate at eva longorias restaurant called beso... mastros steakhouse . and had food made by gordon ramsay.. so ya.. i ate well... my ass prolly got bigger which isnt necessary as it already has its own zip code...

anyway... i realized that i like being rich and i like good shit... thus.. i cant wait to go back to school next week so that i can begin getting good grades so that i can be successful and happy and enjoy the finer things in life :)

HOLLYWOOD

currently in cali... details of trip coming soon.... too tired right now to elaborate much.

pretty much just going to pin mtgs with ma and dining at fine places at nite.

just got back from eating at eva longorias restaraunt.. beso.

i had the paella .. so good!! and the churros!! to die for...

i love cali.. its so chill... geez i cant wait to be rich...

shopping tmrw... rodeo :)

damn. niggas wanna stick me for my paper..

*ANGRY SERViCE ANNOUNCEMENT.*
damn. i feel like im in highshool all over again. college is exactly like highschool with more people.

damn.people love to talk. i feel like i lost a best friend right now. :(

n-e-who. tell me why i havent been to sleep sleep since day b4 yesterday? i took a nap this mornin round 7.. then woke up 9:30... damn i need to go back to sleep.... i talked. all nite long.

also.. im about to throw my labradoodle out the window if she doesnt stop barking... i swear my ears are bleeding right now. shes cute but annoying.

im pissed that i have to work TODAY AT 4.. close.. then OPEN tmrw.. wtf times a million.. urban tried me decently..

i shuld prolly stop complainin and make steps to improve my already squashed day.. butt hats what blogs are for right?.. haha..

im going to take a shower.. and brush my rainbow hair.

ugh @ my life today.

hip hop.

geez.. on my musical tip for real today.. just discovered HYPNOTIC BRASS ENSEMBLE...

their shit is crazy amazing... like when i was in band i wanted to play like that.. real shit...

HYPNOTIC is a group of 8 dudes, 7 of which are blood brothers.. they play on the streets of Chicago and New York.. pure music.. no wires.. no electricity...

shit is beautiful..

even Mos Def publicly applauds them .. they play in his song.. Hip Hop... :)

this has definitley excited me for the day..
do not sleep on them!

btw.. if i havent said it enough all ready.. im in love with a man named mos def. omg. his voice alone is so smooth it should be illegal. .. and he can flow.. better than most.. and hes an advocate of blackness. oh :)

jerkin. family style.

okay so yesterday my little brothers and i were bored.. so we decided to go round town jerkin... here it is.

crazed.

TOO MUCH TiME ON MY HANDS.. iNDEED.

My brother took this picture yesterday before we went swimming.. and looking at it again today i realized that from the outside .. people would most likely call me strange or.. no mayb just strange...

which is too bad because I happen to think I am a very interesting and refreshing individual to know and most of the people that truly have gotten to know me woulld completely agree...

so i was looking at the photo and just wondering.. if you didnt know me and saw this.. what would be the first you thing you would say?

id say" Damn, she looks like she can party!".. haha

A.D.D

so i definitley have a.d.d when it comes to music. i download a whole bunch of songs.. and sit down and try and listen to em all.. through and through.. but to no avail..

i can't even listen to a whole song because i switch to another after the first chorus.. haha...

and currently on my computer i have 11 and 1/4 days worth of music.... amazing..

i have too much music.... which reminds me.. my ipod is broken.. because it was submerged in water during my tonsil fiasco.. :( R.I.P .. which thus means that i lost all of my old music that doesnt live in the laptop that is currently warming my thighs... smh

anywho.. looks like ill have to think of a way to scrape up some funds to buy another one... im thinkin maybe ill stand out on archer with some sequin shorts and a bucket... people tend to like it when i wear shorts... lmao...

on another note..
the new mos def album is so great.. it makes me wanna wear oversized headphones and sit on a stoop... i love mos def with a passion.. even if he is (according to my pops) a black leprechaun.

omg.. im listenin to #3 Auditorium.. and fuckin slick rick is slidin through.. how much better can it get?.. it frickin cant....

unless of course if youre talkin bout hova's new death of autotune.. which is pretty jamtastic if i may say so myself....

but theyre on other sides of the spectrum... mos def touches your soul.. while jay-z envelops ur mind and ur heart.. one is life changing.. and one is just hot ass shit that bumps in tune with ur heart beat...

but thats enough chatter for this hour..

i swear i talk too much.. even when im typing... lol

the time has come.

the time has come for me to make my movie.

yes. a dance/diary video.

look out world.

.

there are some people that just make you want to drop everything your doing just to be with them.

thats no good.

podunk

in myrtle beach , south carolina at the laquinta inn... lmao.. why the hell am i here?

because i was bored in lamelando and decided to tag along with my bro and brother for a baseball tournament...

i hate to say i regret my choice..but damn... everybody but me and family is old and white and their twang is so sharp i forgot how normal English sounds..

i dont really understand why anyone would ever go to myrtle beach.. for vacation.. its pretty lame and po dunk.. id rather be in a city.. everything is so slow here... and i dont even have service or wireless in the hotel room .. wtf... so im sittin in this lobby and everyones starin at me as i try to temporarily connect to the rest of the world...

yesterday im pretty sure i scared all of south carolina because i came up to the hotel with my hair out in its multi-coloured afro... lol.. i stick out like a shiny gold dollar in a gutter here.. for sure...

i wanna go home...

and of course.. i never get scheduled for work. and as soon as i slide outta the state.. bmy phone wont stop ringin from ppl who want me to pickup shifts... aint that an ugly bitch..smh...

o well ..

in 2wks i go to L.A.. that should be amazing..

until then im basking in the podunkness....

im goin to take a nap..

painting the rain.

let me sign. robert pattinson. amazing. makes me want to live on my front porch... let my hair down and forever paint.

as i sit here on the wooded floor of the balcony and watch the birds fly through the everclear drops of rain... i dream to one day attain the feeling of flying that they have. i wish to be free in a weightless.. stressless.. peaceful sense...

anyway... i watched twilight for the first time yesterday.. and unfortunately.. i have to admit and surrender to a trend by saying.. it was great.. i love it.. and i love rob pattinson.. not for his acting or good looks but for his singing voice. if it isnt silly to say... id likie to just state that his voice epitomizes the type of man id like to have in my life. you could commit to a voice like that.