christmas list.

bored and not ready to dive into this dramatic script yet, so i figure ill make a major WISH list.

1. MacBook
2. Final Cut PRo
3. Soundtrack PRo
4. Blackberry Torch
5. Blue sequin cape
6. an abundance of canvas
7. new golden acrylic paints
8. 2 new tattoos
9. a video camera
10. a sublease
11. peace of mind
12. health

to be continued....

im a fool.

restless. kinda tired, but i have to stay awake to go pick up babycakes from work. sigh. so ill share:

today the scariest, craziest, most unreal shit happened to me.  I was walking down the street around sundown.  this middle aged bald white man was strolling next to me.  He was walking briskly. He was 2 ft in front of me.  And then he fell. FLAT ON HIS FACE. i mean he passed out flat on his frickin face.I heard a crack, looked down, and he was on the ground face down not moving.  it was his head that had cracked, like a walnut or something. i was sure he was dead.  i screamed at the top of my of lungs and was frozen just staring at the man on the ground.  some ppl came up ad i called 911 and such, and after about 3 minutes, the man stands up and turns and looks at me and says "wow, i just felt really dizzy". i told him i was calling an ambulance, he refused, ad began to walk to his car.  while im on the phone with the dispatcher the man is walking to his car, and he gets in the car and drives away. just like that. that was too much to handle. all i keep hearing is the CRACK. I might need therapy after that one. sigh.

quotes

i love this

"the days get shorter when you lie" - f.o

this moment

at this moment i am grateful for you and that feeling and the love.
at this moment i am disappointed because yall showed me there is no love, yall showed me what was important, and unfortunately that wasnt me
at this moment i can say that my art has suffered, and for what?, for others who care not about my creative goals.
at this moment, i am thankful for the experience but ready to move on
at this moment i can  say that i am no longer a getaway but better yet a residence.
at this moment in time, i am ready to leave, ready to move to the next chapter, this page is getting old, i can't wait for what is next.
this too shall pass.

(page turn)

epiphany.

i cry tears of joy upon being struck with inspiration.  i cry because its as if all the answers, at least for that moment have been answered, and the guiding light to my future has been brightened once again.

such is how i feel upon discovery or further research of all that is art, film, and black history. 

currently sitting in the left wing on the 2nd floor of my favorite library covered in a sea of books that my hands couldn;t stop reaching for.  

these are the nights i live for. where i can be in my own creative bubble without the stress of the misguided people, the frowns, the criticism, and the inability to be my self completely. 

and so i over indulge in the books, the music, the information, the films, the colors, and the freedom , in hopes that I can stay in my bubble until its time to float away from this judgmental place known to many as Gainesville.

today.

todayyy was a woderful dayyy :) im getting my shit together :) i think im going to get a new tatt.

the best way to get what you want is to make shit happen :)

flying free :)

stress.

every morning i wake up . scream "fuck". stare at the ceiling. grab the phone. check the texts. grab the laptop. send emails. contemplate starting the day.

as of now im stuck on the last step.

so much i wanna do, so much I have to do.
sigh.

hopefully today is magical.

im back.

im baaaack. no explanations. no long stories. but im back.

humble.

today a perfect stranger after talking to me for about 10- 15 minutes told me i was conceited and needed to humble myself.

i dont know if im insulted, ashamed, embarrassed, or glad that i have been enlightened.

but i do know im going to work on that.

because I dont feel as though i'm conceited at all.

but sometimes when im nervous, i have to get in baller/imbetterthanyoumode in order to cope.

sigh.

panflutes.

panflutes?

just think about it.

for the first time in my life i made terrible cake. i added too much water and they taste gummy and strange :(

that upsets me.

yesterday was a great relaxing day.. having lunch downtown and such.

last nite was  a blur.. in wwhich i was supposed to go out but ended up falling asleep.. and my phone kept obnoxiously ringing...

anyway... waking up this morning, unfortunately i was not greeted with the sun, so i figured I'd make my own.

i need to clean out this closet because its causing me to die. And ive been putting it off since last year.. ugh.

todayi plan to actually finish some things so that i have time to lolligag instead of wasting time and not getting anything productive accomplished at all.

and im praying that today is a non sick day as well.

btw. if anyone actually reads this blog, they should go check out my friend niko. on myspace. his music is amazing filled with nature sounds and harmonic singing, low voices, and harmonious guitar chords.

i love.

unoriginals.

i yawn at the unoriginals.

those who do what others do.. im so sorry but i cannot support you.

an example of an unorigianl person would be perhaps a  male who cakes it up with a girl, then smashes, and upon discussing a relationship, says that he has been really hurt in the past and therefore isn't looking for anything.

that my dear, is truly unoriginal. i mean if youre gonna be a dawg, at least be innovative.

i swear if i magically woke up as a man tmrw, after i got over the shock, i'd be the best player out there. people would have to tell me to turn my pimp level down just so they could have a chance.

another example of an unoriginal would be a girl who intentionally is rude to her ex childhood friend. more specifically,  going to the club and dancing right next to her when you know yall dont get along, or texting the girl about some silly shit... that is so childish and predictable.

my thing is this, if u wanna call yourself grown, be grown... dont act like some highschool slut who prides herself off of her light eyes ad curly hair and has nothing else going for her. UNORIGINAL indeed.

i feel like people sit around and call themselves the "realist" the "baddest", etc, but if you were that real and that bad, you wouldnt be using titles that 20 million other people scream to describe themselves.

unoriginals are:

• those who give excuses  lie about not answering the phone saying foolishness such as: *my phone died. *i had no service *i never got your message/call
• girls who give every other girl ugly looks in the club.. heres a tip: smile for a change
• boys who go to the same university with you yet only pay u any mind at the club
• those who cheat on their significant others... cmon everybody does that... come up with sumthin new
• those who blame their lack of a relationship on being hurt
• girls who say "niggas aint shit"
• boys who say "money over bitches"
• girls who call themselves barbie.... and u prolly look like precious
• pople who walk around quoting lil wayne... the man is on syrup
• boys who dont claim their girlfriends
• boys wo talk bad about their chicks to their friends
• boys who swear theyre "about to break up" wit their chicks
• golddiggers. make your own money, or swindle cash a different way...

and thats all i have for now.

please be original, regardless if youre doing good, or  taking part in the gradual ruin of society

my life is doomed

im upset because doctors like to misdiagnose me and give me a million and one blood tests and not give me the medicine i need and tell me to wait and postpone my recovery.

im upset because no one knows whats wrong with me and i feel terrible and have had every test done known to man.

im upset because its a waste of fucking gas, time and money to drive to orlando every fuckin week for a doctor' appt.

im upset because my gpa is shit because of minu grades and missed classes and if one were to simply look at my transcript from the last two semesters, they would think i was a ra-tard.

im upset because i cant flush the hatred away i have for a certain creature and im afraid that if i see her , authorities might have to become involved, which could be messy , because my grandfather is a well known cop in gville, and me going to jail for opening up  a can of whoopass wouldnt be a good look.

im upset that i dont write in my blog as frequently as i used to, it really is therapeudic.

im upset that bad girls club was erased from the dvr at my parents house.

im upset that guys keep asking me to shoot pics and video for them , when really their only intention is to smash and they couldn't think of  a more clever way of approaching me, and thus decided to pretend they were actually interested in business and being successful in life. smh

#in2010

Everyone keeps speaking of all the changes theyre going to make in 2010....

thats great and all.. but i decided to start my changes before the new year....

im so excited for this year to progress...

so excited to start doin more art.. filming.. and shooting.. and hopefully getting my name out there....

Last nite i had a really good conversation with a friend of mine who has now become my mentor...

he really opened my eyes as we talked about school.. and being successful in life.... and lthough id rather
jumostart to a career now..

he helped me understand that im still like mad young and once i learn more. ill be on top...

hes an aspiring filmmaker as well....

anywho... prolly gonna post my short video i made starring my lil bro... and then some of his pics from a shoot i had...

when i get back to gville.. i have a couple shoots to take care of.. an im sposed to shoot a video...

however .. im battling with the the current situation about me not getting paid... like im all for bettering myself and getting to meet good influential people..

however..... sometimes unfortunately.. it really does come down to.. "whats in it for me?"

and because i do have experience on a professional video shoot as the photographer.. id really like it if people took me more seriously..

and slid over the cash.

until next time.
♥ niaimani