holiday with kobe and lebron

haha. i like this. lupe is blitzen.

I hate wen people try so hard to be different. Like too hard. By trying to meet certain ppl dress a certain way... and even listen to certain music .. Be yourself. If your not naturally interesting and vibrant... Well damn thats your fault.

thursday nites suck.

after greys anatomy and private practice go off.. and everyone on the show realizes how much they love one another. thats when i start to cry. because all ive got are my paints and canvases and cakes and my once-white-now off white teddy bear to keep me company.

anyway.

im reading this johnathan glassman article on slave rebellion right now and im so annoyed. whats with old white scholars trying to find deeper meanings to simple questions about black people?

glassmans essay addresses the question: "Why did slaves rebel?"

um. duh.

because who the fuck wants to be a slave?

maybe im reading it wrong.. but the author seems so fascinated that slaves actually tried to escape from their more than terrible situations.

idk. all of this is pretty confusing to me.

sometimes it seems like people are more interested in other people's backgrounds than their own.

in school, it often seems like white people are more interested in african history and roots, than black americans.

but then again, as black americans, we have no connection to africa.

our history was stolen.

so why be interested in a mass of land that is rumored to be the seed of all things living.

as far as i know my family is from random places in the usa.

and my white friend in class , well his family is from glasgow, scotland.

so why cant my american come first?

i wish i could throw away my hyphen and its predecessor.

liger.

i havent posted in damn near forever and its sad.

halloween was a blast.

most fun ive had this semester.

i was a cop... and... A LIGER!

it was amazing . i wore leotards.

no i wasnt naked.

i think some girls were bothered by the fact that i was so damn cool in my one piece and tights.. i got some really ugly/mean stares...

stares so bad.. that im pretty sure their facces got stuck...

but newho...

i had....

so much fun :)

since halloween... ive had a little bit less fun... ummmm... i found out what was wrong with me.. so now im on meds for a month. and the medicine gives me a headache every day and makes me feel even worse.

i really hate this semester.

i cant wait until december :(

on a lighter note.

WE BROKE UP.

me and reporting. i had to do it. i couldnt take his bullshit anymore.

the nagging . the constant put downs. no reinforcement.

i was exhausted.

so i let him go. i broke up with reporting. and switched my major to telecom.

and im soooooooooooo happy.

fail.

ive been in a state of failure lately.

sad. i know.

last week i failed 2 tests, failed at a possible friendship, failed a story, and failed at being cheerful. FUCK.

then this week so far, ive been really annoyed, and sick, and just eeew.

i failed a story today.. because of a fact error. almost cried twice, and i wore SWEATPANTS AND BIRKENSTOCKS! in front of people.

i really need to get it together.

anyway, im currently trying to piece my life together and smile along the way.

i have a very strong suspicion that im extremely close to finding out that i have an uncurable chronic sickness.

i feel like garbage. im annoyed at people. and my skin is irritated by wind, coldness, heat, and water. wtf.

i have to go outside, and i have to bathe.

so my ass is just walkin round uncomfortable and sad.

FAIL.

speaking of failing...
i need to make a list. a fail list

• people who stand up while eating.
• people who eat frozen dinners and think theyre going to get skinny.
• people who lie to themselves.
• people who are dirty/messy.
• people who make noise when they eat.
• people who lick their fingers.
• people who hide food.
• people who try to cheat others $$$.
• people who pretend.
• people who do nothing but gossip.
• people who sit in you seat in class, when youve been sitting there for 3 months already
• girls who wear flares
• girls who are dirty.
• girls who wear colorful belts and big sneakers with jeans and look like theyre in middle school.
• girls with bad hair, caused by FAILED perms.
• girls with fake fake hair who dont comb it.
• girls with cheap weave.
• girls with no edges.
• people with bad teeth.
• boys who cant dress.
• boys who act like girls and then try to date girls.
• people who smell weird.
• people who sit close to me on the bus when there are a million other seats available.
• people who park next to me when there are a million other parks.

AND THATS JUST A FEW FAILS FOR TODAY.

i love you alot.

i feel terrible.
why am i forever sick?

my whole body aches and i get so so so tired too too too fast!

i almost passed out today in africa class. i had to leave early!

anyway.. i really think that i need to go to the doctor asap.

as of now.. i am staring at my room with laundry that needs to be folded and smh.

so i guess im gonna fold those as i work on this never ending audio project.

i need to clean my room b4 the man who parted the red sea comes over.

anyway.... saw a couple of ex friends today... and it really hurt my feelings that a person who i have known since before i had boobs, now gives me a wave like

hey i dont really know you but i guess ill smile and say hi.

ya that really hurts my heart... especially because the reason that we are no longer friends is a mystery to me.

i really shouldnt care .. but im a sweet gal.. and i like friends... to lose one is like someone sticking my heart with a fork.

but thats fine. if youd rather be friends with shaboodalankas... then you go right ahead missy.

in other news, the rain really put a damper on the day. no pun intended.

but dang. when my hair is straight, why must it precipitate? NOT COOL.

really excited about this weekend, going to miami to photograph people on the set of piccalo's "vibin" video. REALLY REALLY EXCITED!

getting my name out there as an artist is always awesome :)

btw. im broke. it really sucks. i need cash flow asap. im almost ready to sell my designs to that sketchy dude so that i can make a quick $800. what do ya think?

we're not the same

paramores new album is dope. brand new eyes. go get it!

neway.. i feel like cuttin somethin up right now. and by something i mean clothes. i havent made anything in a while...... hmmmmmmm

today was a good day..

i:

• started recording again
• cleaned out my computer
• met with costume designer
• got compliments on my designs by people who matter
• had a great lunch with a new friend
• and a candy/couch party with an old friend
• drank no fear energy for the first time
• took some good pics
• had a photo shoot in my house
• relaxed.

yes. today was a good day.

59 words.

ive decided that from now on. every day im going to think of a random topic, word or subject, and write 50 or so words about it. the first thing that comes to my head.

starting now.
topic: KISSING.

Kissing. Sometimes your lips want company, they lightly itch for a match, something else soft that can brush them, caress them , and forcefully push against them. Which in turn creates the feeling of floating, like your stomach is going to rise up into your throat and give off sparks to the one that you currently lock lips with. ♥

you cant change people.

people are gonna be how theyre gonna be.

regardless how much you want someone to change, they won't , until they FEEL like it.

your roommate will still be messy, no matter how many times you tell her to clean up.

your best friend will still be a bullshit artist no matter how many times you call him on his shit.

your dad will never be impressed with you no matter how many cool things you do.

THATS LIFE.

anywho...
ive realized that if i want my apartment to be a nice atmosphere, then ill have to clean it and organize it myself.

you cant wait on people to do things you want done for yourself.

ive also realized that if i want to have a great day, and be happy and smiley, then i have to make myself happy, and not rely on anyone else to make my heart flutter and my dimples poke out.

ill be fine just with nia.
♥

im not dead.

no im not dead. just almost.
i have been through hell's evil cousin and back lately.

just for everyone who's wondering.. i have one word for you....

YAZ.

its a killer . dont take it. youll die. 50 other women have. i hope a rep from yaz sees this dang blog and knows that you have officially ruined a month of my life, and made my skin temporarily look like oatmeal. i hope your company is sued for all its worth. ILL HELP.

anyway... i feel sorry for anyone who has every been scarred by this shitty ass overambitious bc pill. real bad real bad joe jackson... im sayin...

so ya. back on the predisnone. great. try some. just dont ask me for any.. cuz im stingy and dont have extra.

on a lighter note. i was very productive yesterday. made dinner and a cake. sadly had no one to share the cake with. so its just sitting in my fridge.

im a lonely loser.. im aware.

but i decorated my room.. an finally felt better.. and got some editing done :)

i will be better in due time.

unfortunately, my tatt game has been postponed because i dont think itll be a good idea to have colorful needles making beautiful designs on my body while im still yaz-poisoned. thats right poisoned.

im honestly praying that i dont suddenly drop like those other women. ( bless their souls and their families. smh)

but ya. so next week on the tatt. i swear!!!!!!! let love rule will be engrained on my mid section within the next week with a beautiful illustration.

in other news.... i decided yesterday that i will be hosting a halloween/beat georgia celebration/dessert/drink/costume party at my apartment on halloween. ..

so.. i definitley have to have the BEST costume there.. since its my dang house... so ive been pondering....

all i know is i want these things to be included in my costume

• cuteness/sexiness
• a leotard(single ladies-esque)
• maybe some true blood contacts? (if i can get em for less than $100)

lol.. im not asking for much...

some of the ideas ive gotten are catwoman... or a vampire...etc.. but i wan to be something extravagant.. and so awesome that everyone else is depressed that they cant be as cool as me. lol.

so ya. im going leotard shopping today at aa. and i dont think its too early... because halloween is in like a month.. and to make something amazing.. one must PLAN... agreed?

so ya... cant wait for alladatshit.

until next time.

x0x0.

NIA IMANI.♥

where have i been.

ive been lost.

• under my covers
• on the couch under my purple silk blanket
• in the Shands E.R staring at the crackheads and hoboes

live has been shitty this last week as one can see.

but im great now.. on prednisone. steroids. no need to elaborate on why. just know its good shit if your sick.

and im feeling great :). kinda wonderin why the side effects like mania or euphoria havent come... that would have been interesting....

any who... been deciding what to do with my blog lately.. culdnt decide if i should delete it or not because i got an official type internship at the gville sun... and i didnt want any one to type my name in to google one day and find my angry gangsta creative ramblings and judge me... you know?

but as for now... im keepin it... ill keep the motherfucks to a minimum.

anyway.. i got an internship with gville sun.. its dope.. i get to interview fans on gameday and smile big for the world to see... LIVE... how do u like me now?

i havent got a job tho... def need one of those...

no joke... im broke...

but yea... went to gainesville's fashion week the other nite.. pretty decent for town that leads people to think that culture does not exist...

i enjoyed it.. ill post pics soon

also, just thought of this brilliant idea today!

so dont copy me...

but im gonna wallpaper my room.. with textured brick wallpaper...

im so frickin excited... its gonna be like a city studio apartment..

in gainesville!!!(idk.. mayb its only exciting for me?)

btw...

listen to blueprint 3. i love love love it.

if jayz was handsome and didnt look like a closet violent man id probably have a crush on him... :)

i love men with tatts and a sick flow. or one or the other. im not picky.♥

mamaw menagerie.

yesterday me and the biffle went to a local Gainesville art, music, craft fest....

it was a hundred different people gathered at a small flea market like gathering... i loved it...

first.

okay,

so today was the first day back to school...

(shallow moment) idk why but i always feel like my first day look is a fail and the second day is always better???

but anyway i got compliments... so i guess i didnt look that bad...

anywho... i wore my brand new hemp-bottom VANS.... and i have to admit i was pretty happy with the over-all feel...

i felt edgy, amazing, green, surfer, and as if I was saving the world with my eco-friendly shoes....

pretty sweet :)

so anywho...

classes were interesting.. my first calss.. fed gov... gave me vibes of boringness... and there are a whole lotta eager freshman in there... kinda lame...

but the lamest part is that the professor is a professional obama- hater..... wtf right?

dude went out of his way to make obama- bashing jokes like every five minutes.... i was pretty dissapointed....

he said "i dont excuse absences, but hey, if you are called to Washington to testify before a grand jury because they decided to impeach Obama, then I can probably make an exception."

i mean really mister... tell us how you really feel.....

then, i had like a super duper looooooooooooonnnnnnggg break for like 3 hrs and had nothing to do with my life.... so i sat in the library and around campus and observed the growing "diverseness" on campus....

im not even gonna front... i saw more than a couple shaboodalankas ... people with highschool influenced outfits... and by that i mean...

girls who decided to wear big sneakers .. like forces or jordans with shorts.... shorts that are most definitley too tight and too short....

guys who decided to wear baggy jeans... that look has died and been buried... i promise the skinny look isnt just a trend.... it just looks better and more sophisticated....

girls with colorful accessories.... this isnt willy wonkas candy store... so all the plastic rainbow jewelry .. should go... i shouldnt think of runts and skittles when i see certain ppl...

people who have sunglasses on... but not cool sunglasses... i personally think aviators.. are the coolest kinds.. they fit everyones face and theyre chic... sunglasses that are thin or dont fit your face only look strange.. and like your trying to hard.....

so thats my runway critique for the first day...


im like reallyy excited for tmrw.. i have reporting.. and then multimedia reporting.... should be interesting.... possibly....

but for now im going to chill and straighten my hair thinkin bout going to the gym... idk?

btw... go listen to the song herbs by tarrus riley..its my fav ;)

my new fav video.

youtube makes me happy...

one of my new fav videos is of this german chick dancing....

AND FAILING....

lmao... best video ever!

i know im late but..

first of all.. I HEART LEVI MAESTRO....

hes delicious... and chill.. an interesting...

I'LL TAKE IT

anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy......

his show is dope.

and the episode before last was one of fav because of the ending with Warren G


check, check, check it ouuuuuuuuttt.....

Maestro Knows - Episode 4 (Warren G) from Maestro Knows on Vimeo.

almost time

ugh... i havent written in forever... lame... i know...

been busy as fuck.. great things comin my way tho.. wont tell until they come.. dont wanna jinx anything...

anyway... got a new roommate... LOVE HER! ... enough said :)

school starts pretty soon.. tryna decorate and get shit together in my house so i can have a hills-esque housewarming :)

Cant wait... im so happy lately :)

cali.

packin and stackin swangin and bangin.

MAAAAN.

its been a while.

like almost ten days.... im slackin.

but im back world.

been busy with life and shit.. avoidin big bertha and the rest of the shones and shaboodalankas out here... feel me?

anyways....

packin my shit up once again... sposed to b movin into another bldg.. but hopefully... crossin my fingers and toes..... i move to an apartment instead....

hopefully.. but then again.. my parents are no... no.. NOTORIOUS for gettin my hopes up and then squishin em... boy i tell ya...

so ya.. packin to move somewhere..

listenin to XV's new mixtape everybody's nobody.... if you aint heard about it...
youre dumb... go find the link and click download... ASAP...

neways... im really glad that im movin outta this room because im tired of dirty ass females... i mean dont get me wrong... i live wit nice girls..... but DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNN....
can i get someone to take out the trash every once in a while....

i mean... im not the resident slave bro... i shuldnt have to clean all the motherfucking time....

but thats neither here nor there... after tmrw its over... so i wont rant and rave.....

ummmmm..... been watchin maestros vids lately.... DOPE.... i fuckin love him i tell ya...

check him out @ maestroknows.com..... DOPE... and cute.... boy i tell ya....

been takin alotta pics lately... possibly for my portfolio... mite post a few.....

tip: if youre sharing photos... put a watermark on them so u can get credit... true story....

anyway....

im thinkin bout gettin a new tatt soon.. well whenever i can find a stack or two... but neway... im thinkin bout an owl.... a skull.. and some words.... in diff places of course....

mad dudes shake their heads bout the owl thing... but i could care less.... o ya.. and im gettin lips... on my ass.... choke on that... :)

busy busy.

maan... i tell ya.. you'd think id learn the first two times... haha


dhnet housing services decided that i violated the student code of conduct because i had limewire floatin on my computer and forgot to delete it... damnit...

usually i delete it b4 coming back to campus.. but i forgot :(...

but tha cool thing is... knock on wood... they told me they were cutting my service like yesterday at 9 ish.. and surprise surprise... the shit still works...

which is how im writing this right now... cool?

well kinda... but then kinda not... bcuz i feel like its a fucking ticking time bomb and soon
idk when... the internet is gonna run away...

but until then.... hahahahahaha fuck you housing.

thats not nice. im sorry.

anyway.

listenin to pac div's knucklehead for the umpteenth time. LOVE IT.

and im procrastinatin' on this dange story for journo class... ill get there... hmph....

btw.... learned something this weekend... mite sound dumb... but i def just realized that shit....


IM GROWN.

i mean i go home alot and talk to my parents like everyday and stuff... but i can honestly do whatever the fuck i want .... im bout 20 years old... lol

that felt good to realize....

smile.

i must admit. i was just really freakin out because of all the things i must do this week and the holes i have to dig myself out of ...

but this just made my night...

i can now go to bed with a smile..

btw. im definitley basing my wedding entrance off of something like this.

bellies.

people might hate me for this one... but o fuckin well.

why do fat girls wear shirts that are too small?

the other nite when chad and i were comin back home i saw a girl... lets just call her big bertha....

scratchin her belly.

this chick had a stomach the size of like five small children rolled into a ball...what tha fuck maaan

first of all her shirt was too tight...

and then she had the audacity to lift that fabric and scratch her big ass belly....


maan... thats just foul... first of all...

women shouldnt have bellies... thats just wrong...

second... ya damn sure shuldnt lift ur shirt if your stomach resembles a giant bowlin ball... and not in a sexy way... lmao..

not that that could ever be sexy...

any fuckkin way...

that shit really pissed me off and i felt like throwin up in my mouth... real talk...

and..
not only did bertha walk down the sidewalk scratchin her fat ass excuse for a stomach...

she was breathin so hard i heard her when i was comin up the street....

heres a tip:

if you breathe really fuckin hard all the time... so hard that people think

fuckin darth vader came down from space....

or so hard that you look around and wonder who the fuck fell asleep...

then you know that you are outta shape and need to handle dat shit....

i shouldnt hear anyone breathing ever unless your past like 80....

i mean damn.. thats just not healthy...

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.


smh.

amber rose.

maaan. im not even gonna front. amber rose has a dope look... she got swag....

blah blah.... ANDALLADATSHIT...

but... maaan... why she gotta ho it up on angie martinez show like that?

she was on lip service talkin bout her sex life and shit..... kinda lame maan....

i kno kanye tryna b different gettin a stripper from bk who loook ethnic but really iz a straight white girl...

but idk how keen he gon be on her publicly ho-in it up...

then again kanye is motherfuckin crazy and prolly doesnt give a fuck...

idk maan... i was kinda dissapointed when i found out she just an ex stripper....

and she sound real ghetto like....

that shit aint cool maaan....

amber rose... just dont talk... and youll be straight...

maaaaaaaaaaaaan.

maaan i got shit to say.

this is me KEEPIN IT REAL. for fucksake.

men need to be men . real talk.

if u wanna fuckin hang out... tell me what day we chillin.. and come scoop my ass... be real bout ur shit...idk... dont fuckin hem and haw and cry tryna figure out why we neva chill and all that extra shit...

thats not even the important thing right now...

on some real shit tho... lemme tella quik story...

this one cat iz gonna holla at me afta it didnt work out wit a friend... lame in itself... but ii think tha nigga cool.. so we start chillin and shit...

but then tha nigga gonna try to be slick and go back to my homegirl on the side.. then she tellin lies to me bout how she hate him one day and not tha next... dont know that me and him chilled.. and its all a big fuckin mess....

so i drop the cat...

and he seem cool wit us not talkin for bout a month and then all of a fuckin sudden

BOW BOW BOW....

dude is back like a bad cold.... tryna chill

first of all... if u always want a chick to come to ur crib and u neva drive newhere and neva wanna go out....THATS FUCKIN LAME... and ur eitha lyin bout havin a car.. or u hidin sumthin... nigga

second.... if i dont fuckin answer the phone or texts or fuckin book messages... then its obv cuz im not fuckin wit ur ass...

which means...

DONT FUCKIN TEXT ME AT 2AM after i ignored ur call sayin... "o so i guess u dont fuck wit a nigga no more..."

well duh u dumb fuck..... obviously i dont.

and we sposed to be in one of tha best schools in america....

dumb. ass . niggas i tell you.


ON A LIGHTER NOTE.

im sposed to b goin to see tha wiz tonite. thats right wiz fuckin khalifa. shit should b dope. if it all works out.

but anyway....

im tired of this shit that happens that makes me turn to the blog... people gon start thinkin im some angry blog thug who says fuck too much and hates the world.

ITS NOT EVEN LIKE THAT.

i just keep it real.
all the fuckin time.

FEEL ME?


nia*

family networking.

listening to pac div's new tapemixx. church league champions. if you dont know . now u know.

newho. dont mean to start off angry today. but fuck it, im gonna....

WHY THE FUCK do parents, aunts, uncs, older fam members think its cool to add us on twitter/myspace/the book?

what the fuck maaaaannnn.... im tired of havin to think twice bout my tweets or status updates because im tryna avoid a brow raise or lecture....

seriously... im grown.... and i dont need this shit.

it really makes me wanna delete fuckin facebook..... especially if my fam is gonna comment on every update... i mean really? get a life or find another neice to harass....

and while im on the book.... am i the only one who feels like its turned into the new day myspace.... the drama.. the stalking... the stalking... o ya and the drama....

SHIT IS GETTIN WILD.

if you have people whom you deleted or ignored as friends trying to re add you... you should worry... because obviously these people are way too fixated on your existence and you prolly have a baby stalker.

i would know. i have a couple.

so anyway... facebook has now died to me. and theres so many lame ass apps that spam up my home page and honestly i could care less which family guy character sally is more like.. or who scored higher on jennys personal quiz....

wtf peeps... buy a life. please....

and twitter.... is cool... cuz its just random thoughts... and celebs are treal as shit on that.. i like it...

but i cant take certain ppl callin me every time i post a crazy tweet... i mean damn.. call my parents. or send me an email... so i can ignore your ass.

families should stay interactin thru ugly christmas cards, cookouts, and sundays... other thhan that... idk....


*later.

what?

you only have one chance to make an impression on the world.

better start now right?

im soooooo hungry right now.. just ordered a pizza but now that i think bout it im cravin some eazy mac wit extra cheese and my own sprinkle cheese on top.

anyway.. finally back in gville.. maan... this damn sickness hit me hard... like barry bonds was swingin tha bat or sumthin...idk maaaaan....

but im back.. chillin on the bed thinkin bout this article due tmrw.... daaamn....i hate runnin backwardz and playin catch up... too used to walkin ahead of people... shit...

got the black. excuse for. tv on rite now.. shame we never got the hang of 106 and park after free and aj flew away... damn i could fix that show.... hmmm...


anyway... hopin this food omes soon b4 i gnaw a finger off or eat another fuji apple.. which dont really fill u up past 5.. cuz past 5 is when your body has decided that its time for big kid meals.. and its done with that snack light shit youve been givin it all day....

feel me?

on another note... im feelin like that hour is arriving and by that hour i mean a tattoo.

damn i need ink so bad right now... ive got like mad ideas and the shit is relaxing.. if thats not weird.. and tatts are dope if you get them placed artistically... so im just utchin to get one...
maan

id rather spend money on clothes, tatts, and shoes anyday b4 food or rims or other bullshit...

and thats just me.

flu.

im so sick i dont really know what it is that ive come down with.. but its something terrible.

anyway...
ive been wondering... why is it that old people talk so frickin loud?

i mean really... why must my parents have conversations that sound like theyre yelling?... if i wanted to hear what they were talking about id sit next to them... right?

idk if its just me.. but theyre always complaining about other people being loud and they dont realize how loud they are themselves...

today i was sitting downstairs and i heard what sounded like shrieking up in my mothers room...
my ma and my aut were talking but it sounded as if they were having a fight....

i mean damn.. quiet down?

anyway...

im sick and at home.
pissed about alot of things...

like how i wasted money on a damn blu and white ticket and culd only go to one thing because i caught the plague... wtf....
then. ... how my parents wouldnt let me leave today.. so now i have to wake up at 530 in the morning to drive home and then go to class....

not the weekend i thought i would have...

frootloops and pizza.

eatin this late nite shit. froot loops and pizza and koolaid. dont judge me.

i swear im messy as fuck.. spilt sugar all ova my desk.

anywho.... ive been thinkin lately... that there are certain things that i just dont like... and dont think i should have to deal wit anymore....so... if anything you do or are or like is on this list.... step the fuck back.

girls who go and buy those plaid 3/4 sleeve shirts after like 2 months ago. wtf

niggas who wine. (kill yourself)

dudes who tell everyone who theyve fucked. smh. lame

girls who stalk other girls on the space the book or in person. (yes you bitch)

girls who blame other girls for their dude cheating. LAME

people who don't know how to jerk, or don;t even attempt

people who don't like tattoos

people who cant take a hint

niggas who wait for girls to make the first move

people who never workout... ever .. LAME

niggas who wear baggy jeans...

girls who wear too tight jeans so that their flubber hangs over

girls who dont wear underwear with those cottony dresses so that i see the imprint of ur ass... wtf

anyone who actually likes drake's new wack ass video

people with ugly teeth...(arm and hammer ASAP)

niggas who only dress nice one motherfuckin day in a week

girls with weave down their feet

girls with weave like my curly hair... kill yourself

people who don't know who Dom Kennedy, Mickey Factz, Wiz Khalifa, or Pac Div is... (go run in traffic)

people who don't dance when they hear music

people who eat loudly

people who don't listen to Biggie...

girls who look a mess when they get out the pool and still be in niggas faces like its cute...

girls who stare at me like they forgot how to turn their heads ....

black women who hate on every other black woman.. and then talk all that empowerment girl power shit....

THATS IT FOR NOW... IMA SIP THA KOOLAID AND SUCK ON THESE FROOTLOOPS.

i'll holla.♥

swangin and bangin

man its so fuckin hot. LEMME SAY IT AGAIN.

it is so fuckin hot.

i feel like i just lost ten pounds of frickin sweat.

me and the bro went jerkin round the grove in the garden.

i hate that if you wear skinnies in the heat theres a chance that you might die of heatstroke...

i put my life in danger for a few good shots and a dance... smh

anyway... jammin to nero's swangin and bangin and wiz khalifa .. chewy is my shit....

makin me feel real inspired-like....

today i woke up and decided im definitley makin this video... art doc thing... i just need subjects... i mean mad ppl act so funny bout bein on camera... shit im just tryna make a real ass video....

i asked one dude.. and this motherfucker was like... im not sure if im comfortable wiht the vid.. ill think about it.. i dont want the whole world to experience my interestingness....

i was like wtf nigga go run in traffic. with scissors.

anyway.. ppl are pretty gay about videos... which is why i havent got much footage lately...

i wanna make like a kick ass video.. that makes people say at the end... dang... its real in florida.... those are some real ass people.. doing interesting ass things... you know?

like i was thikin of just havin a movie of straight interviews... like lots and lots of people being asked random questions... kinda based on the screen tests that andy warhol used to do...

that would be so dope. please dont steal my idea. or ill fight you. real talk.

anyway.. today i deceided that the movie is gonna be crack.. ad all those ppl who decided to run away from this movie are gonna feel dumb as fuck when i win at sundance.

end of story.

uninspired

havent had much to say lately.
everything that has happened lately is either lame, high school dramatic, or dumb, and thus not worth mentioning.
pretty boring. im sitting here watching a movie on jim morrison.... pretty bored.
maybe ill be inspired to do something.
hmm?

part time lover full time friend.

yesterday was a day in which i had an epiphany, deleted a friend, cried, ate chicken, watched hannah montana, straightened my hair and missed True Blood. what a day :)

anyway i know ive been a little absent from this shit lately.. but ive had bigger fish to fry... and by fish.. i mean people.

but ya... getting tired of summer in gainesville.. way too fast... desperately awaiting something new and exciting to happen.... hopefully soon?.. or else ill probably be forced to tears of extreme boredom

i currently feel like watching juno .. and strangely enough im listening to one of the songs on the Juno soundtrack by the Moldy peaches.... wow i have no life.....

but ya... had a good lead quote in mmc today... pretty much the current highlight of my life...

btw... global warming is real... its bout 100 in the ville currently... my precious golden brown skin is melting just thinkin about it... fuck maaaaan.

mayb im a little late... but i just heard about this awesome project with nas and jr gong.... a collabo... dedicated to africa... shit i cant wait....

NAS & DAMIAN "JR GONG" MARLEY DISTANT RELATIVES preview from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

notes from dino class

Note to self. Get outta boring classes immediately. Such as... Age of dinosaurs....smh Anyway... Yesterday....in writing class we were given a topic. And had to write on it... And although simple... It was probably the best time ive had in class so far....

I tell ya... You know youre a nerd when writing excites you and makes you smile.. Which is fine... Ill be that....

Anyway i realized the other day that school isnt as bad as i thought... Lol
i say this now... But seriously.. Its fun... I learn.. Hang out.. Work out and look cute... Sounds like a party to me :)

Which reminds me... I wont be able to party this weekend because i have to go back home to watch the dogs.... Which is ok because i miss them.. But at the same time... I was just at home for two months... And honestly... I was so disappointed from alot of things that happened this summer.. That i honestly have no wish of returning.. .i can count on one hand all the people id like to see upon returning....

Anyway... Id like to speak on what ive learned this summer :

*dont let some one whom you know has dissapointed you before set you up for another let down.

*painting in the rain is amazing.

*blueberry buckle is my new signature
dessert to make.

*just because you love someone doesnt mean they love you back.

*dont do something that you wuldnt want others to know about.. Because more than likely..they will find out

*swimming every day makes me happy

*guys who are too scared to move arent worth it

*if he isnt calling you he doesnt want to...lol * in order to continue my bougie lifestyle i need to work hard and make that cash..lol

* not to bring a clutch to the club and turn i t upside down because you will lose all its contents...

*people lie. So dont be surprised

*jerkin is an amazing dance that all should partake in

*filmmaking is my new passion

*greatness is achievable

Trying to have a better outlook on life so i can be a happier person. Status :good so far.. Besides the fact that other peoples actions still affect my mood... I need to work on that. But i have been so fricken these last couple o days its unbelievable...
Yesterday was like thebest day ever and i volunteered and made new friends....
Lol.. I know... Sounds like an afterschool special... But its true.... Life is bliss with minor bumps along the way :)
Anyway , im positively bored right now in age of the dinosaurs... I should be paying attention seeing as how i have to get an A in order to preserve my scholarship.. However... Im bored.. And the lecture is in the book... Meaning i can just read it myself. My eyes are slowly closing.

flow.

just came from the jazmine sullivan and ryan leslie concert. went with my hooker friend alisha... lol... on some real shit.. that concert was something like amazing.

first of all... ryan leslie is an awesome musician.. not cute but talented.. AND above all, the man attended Harvard.. which.. last time i checked... was a big ass deal.

anyway.. ryan leslie was great and then jazmine fuckin killed it... she came out in a bad bitch catsuit with black leather and fly ass shades.... i swear shes a damn diva.... and she sang like no other.... omg could this girl blow... it was uplifting.. and fun.. and just good music...

big ups to j sullivan for representin for the thick girls. amen.

on another note. moved back in my dorm this afternoon. this summer shoudl be interesting. more to come on that.

and...... ive been really thinkin about this lately.. and i think it is safe to say that....
I LOVE CHARLES HAMILTON.

sure he seems like he talks mad shit.. and is kinda a pompous ass... but something about his pink loving, grungy, 80's headphone wearin , smooth talkin self makes me hot.. lol... i know thats weird.. but i really think that if we met.. id prolly fall for him... and im often attracted to jerk (outspoken) guys anyway... idk.. somethin bout him is sexy to me.....

so to you c. hamilton.... you can get it.
real talk. lol.

fucked up.

im repacking for summer school and going through all my old stuff. i found journals all the way from when i was like 8 years old.

shit like that just makes me shake my head and think... damn... my mama gave me the tools for success... i was writing my thoughts down since elementary school.....

and sadly.. as ive been sitting here and going back from 8 years to my 19 now... ive seen how life really happens to a person. its kinda scary how sad i got from the end of middle school to high school. i was a sad.. deep little girl.

which makes me stop, cry, and think... what the hell happened to me? and what the hell am i now?

i was like the nerdiest, most naive.. little girl.. who loved everything and everyone and just wanted to learn and make everyone happy and now...

damn. i fell off. mama taught me better than this.

today.

today has been a great, peaceful, uneventful, quiet (well besides the biggie music) day.

i havent felt this relaxed in a while. i cleaned the kitchen and did all the laundry and swam (swum?) some laps and it has been great. :)...

tonite should be like super fun because its my best sluts bday and were going downtown to paint it red !!! i havent been out in a month since my bday... and i kinda feel like its gonna be just as great :)

ive decided that going back to lameville next week wont be as bad as ive been anticipating.. because ill be able to chill with my cuz, my aunt, and my gurls, without getting into trouble. and ive decided that all the numbers i lost in my phone accident can stay lost.

my new mantra is... if someone wants to get in contact with you, for whatever reason, they will find a way.

ive got no time to chase :).

anywho.... im sitting here trying to decide how to wear my hair tonite... and i really wish my hair was low on the sides and only long and curly on the top like kesh's... but my madre would kill me.. so ill just dream....

anywho... im also thinkin about the new tatt that im going to get... madre said i wasnt allowed to get anymore tatts WITH HER MONEY... so... i plan to use mine... haha...

im thinking either an owl, or wings of some sort, and i want to add to my judah tatt.. by writing.. "dont gain the world and lose your soul" under it... since thats another one of my mantras.

cant wait for that. :)

home.

once again i am left to hold down the fort while the family goes away. wish i could have gone too... but damnit i have to work tmrw mornin...

my little brother is playing in the junior olympics!!! aww exciting.

meanwhile.. im at home watching fashion shows and doing laundry and swimming and packing.... fun fun :)

btw.. i downloaded mista fab's mixtape last nite... and its honestly not thast bad....i like the songs he flowed over.. so it gets my vote :)

home.

finally home from cali. kinda bittersweet because i love home. but i love cali. basically i love any city besides gville/orlando.

L.A is amazing but filled woth opportunists ... more like parasites... people who feed off of fame, money and attention...

dont get me wrong.. who wouldnt want to be known??... i know i would.. but its the way people go about things in L.A that makes me think that if I lived there i would definitley have to watch my back...

i think im too nice for all that as of now...

however L.A is beautiful and this week ive eaten at some of the most wonderful places.

i ate at eva longorias restaurant called beso... mastros steakhouse . and had food made by gordon ramsay.. so ya.. i ate well... my ass prolly got bigger which isnt necessary as it already has its own zip code...

anyway... i realized that i like being rich and i like good shit... thus.. i cant wait to go back to school next week so that i can begin getting good grades so that i can be successful and happy and enjoy the finer things in life :)

HOLLYWOOD

currently in cali... details of trip coming soon.... too tired right now to elaborate much.

pretty much just going to pin mtgs with ma and dining at fine places at nite.

just got back from eating at eva longorias restaraunt.. beso.

i had the paella .. so good!! and the churros!! to die for...

i love cali.. its so chill... geez i cant wait to be rich...

shopping tmrw... rodeo :)

damn. niggas wanna stick me for my paper..

*ANGRY SERViCE ANNOUNCEMENT.*
damn. i feel like im in highshool all over again. college is exactly like highschool with more people.

damn.people love to talk. i feel like i lost a best friend right now. :(

n-e-who. tell me why i havent been to sleep sleep since day b4 yesterday? i took a nap this mornin round 7.. then woke up 9:30... damn i need to go back to sleep.... i talked. all nite long.

also.. im about to throw my labradoodle out the window if she doesnt stop barking... i swear my ears are bleeding right now. shes cute but annoying.

im pissed that i have to work TODAY AT 4.. close.. then OPEN tmrw.. wtf times a million.. urban tried me decently..

i shuld prolly stop complainin and make steps to improve my already squashed day.. butt hats what blogs are for right?.. haha..

im going to take a shower.. and brush my rainbow hair.

ugh @ my life today.

hip hop.

geez.. on my musical tip for real today.. just discovered HYPNOTIC BRASS ENSEMBLE...

their shit is crazy amazing... like when i was in band i wanted to play like that.. real shit...

HYPNOTIC is a group of 8 dudes, 7 of which are blood brothers.. they play on the streets of Chicago and New York.. pure music.. no wires.. no electricity...

shit is beautiful..

even Mos Def publicly applauds them .. they play in his song.. Hip Hop... :)

this has definitley excited me for the day..
do not sleep on them!

btw.. if i havent said it enough all ready.. im in love with a man named mos def. omg. his voice alone is so smooth it should be illegal. .. and he can flow.. better than most.. and hes an advocate of blackness. oh :)

jerkin. family style.

okay so yesterday my little brothers and i were bored.. so we decided to go round town jerkin... here it is.

crazed.

TOO MUCH TiME ON MY HANDS.. iNDEED.

My brother took this picture yesterday before we went swimming.. and looking at it again today i realized that from the outside .. people would most likely call me strange or.. no mayb just strange...

which is too bad because I happen to think I am a very interesting and refreshing individual to know and most of the people that truly have gotten to know me woulld completely agree...

so i was looking at the photo and just wondering.. if you didnt know me and saw this.. what would be the first you thing you would say?

id say" Damn, she looks like she can party!".. haha

A.D.D

so i definitley have a.d.d when it comes to music. i download a whole bunch of songs.. and sit down and try and listen to em all.. through and through.. but to no avail..

i can't even listen to a whole song because i switch to another after the first chorus.. haha...

and currently on my computer i have 11 and 1/4 days worth of music.... amazing..

i have too much music.... which reminds me.. my ipod is broken.. because it was submerged in water during my tonsil fiasco.. :( R.I.P .. which thus means that i lost all of my old music that doesnt live in the laptop that is currently warming my thighs... smh

anywho.. looks like ill have to think of a way to scrape up some funds to buy another one... im thinkin maybe ill stand out on archer with some sequin shorts and a bucket... people tend to like it when i wear shorts... lmao...

on another note..
the new mos def album is so great.. it makes me wanna wear oversized headphones and sit on a stoop... i love mos def with a passion.. even if he is (according to my pops) a black leprechaun.

omg.. im listenin to #3 Auditorium.. and fuckin slick rick is slidin through.. how much better can it get?.. it frickin cant....

unless of course if youre talkin bout hova's new death of autotune.. which is pretty jamtastic if i may say so myself....

but theyre on other sides of the spectrum... mos def touches your soul.. while jay-z envelops ur mind and ur heart.. one is life changing.. and one is just hot ass shit that bumps in tune with ur heart beat...

but thats enough chatter for this hour..

i swear i talk too much.. even when im typing... lol

the time has come.

the time has come for me to make my movie.

yes. a dance/diary video.

look out world.

.

there are some people that just make you want to drop everything your doing just to be with them.

thats no good.

podunk

in myrtle beach , south carolina at the laquinta inn... lmao.. why the hell am i here?

because i was bored in lamelando and decided to tag along with my bro and brother for a baseball tournament...

i hate to say i regret my choice..but damn... everybody but me and family is old and white and their twang is so sharp i forgot how normal English sounds..

i dont really understand why anyone would ever go to myrtle beach.. for vacation.. its pretty lame and po dunk.. id rather be in a city.. everything is so slow here... and i dont even have service or wireless in the hotel room .. wtf... so im sittin in this lobby and everyones starin at me as i try to temporarily connect to the rest of the world...

yesterday im pretty sure i scared all of south carolina because i came up to the hotel with my hair out in its multi-coloured afro... lol.. i stick out like a shiny gold dollar in a gutter here.. for sure...

i wanna go home...

and of course.. i never get scheduled for work. and as soon as i slide outta the state.. bmy phone wont stop ringin from ppl who want me to pickup shifts... aint that an ugly bitch..smh...

o well ..

in 2wks i go to L.A.. that should be amazing..

until then im basking in the podunkness....

im goin to take a nap..

painting the rain.

let me sign. robert pattinson. amazing. makes me want to live on my front porch... let my hair down and forever paint.

as i sit here on the wooded floor of the balcony and watch the birds fly through the everclear drops of rain... i dream to one day attain the feeling of flying that they have. i wish to be free in a weightless.. stressless.. peaceful sense...

anyway... i watched twilight for the first time yesterday.. and unfortunately.. i have to admit and surrender to a trend by saying.. it was great.. i love it.. and i love rob pattinson.. not for his acting or good looks but for his singing voice. if it isnt silly to say... id likie to just state that his voice epitomizes the type of man id like to have in my life. you could commit to a voice like that.

bad things.

would you agree that some things are so bad that when you do them you feel numb instead of remorseful??? :/

ORIGINALITY

just got home from work.. about to make some art or something.

im terribly hungry...
craving pasta... might make some

today at work i noticed that people are starting to all look the same....smh

girls are dumb.. trying to be different but really being the same...
and if i see one more girl buy that long sleeve plaid shirt and then wear it with tights im going to scream!!!

i hate trends.. especially in clothing.... lameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
be your own....

trends i hate..

• plaid....it was cool.. now its dumb
• drake... most ppl didnt know of him a year ago.. (sick flow tho)
• ed hardy... ughh..
• denim leggings... i try not to wear mine anymore...
• beanies... should be left to rasta girls like moi
• jordans.... (barf)
• skinny jeans .. colourful... was fun because of the originality.. not so anymore :(
• blogging... unfortunately.. i like it enough to get over that one...

thats it till i think of more....

BE YOU... NOT SOMEONE ELSE.

finally.

the cavs won... thank goodness... goin to bed now.. work at 8...

goodnite world.

cavs

no im not switchin... shit im just sayin... teamwork is neccessary to win games... and cavs.. thhat is exactly what you lack... what the hell... orlando is whoopin yall now... smh

wtf

halftime and its 55- 56 cavs.
wtf.

twitter.

just surrendered to twitter. pretty interesting... except the celebrity pages have me questioning whether or not its really them... most interestingso far are ellen and charles hamilton's pages :)

watchin the game.. 46- 54 cleveland... i hope they win... but if they play like they have been.. theres no chance...

im actually proud of ben wallace... he actually did something.. blocked a shot!!! lol go you!

did nothing but sketch today.... cant wait to have an official portfolio :)
i love art... not school

here we go again.

now here we go again. me and my lonesome ass friends... lol

watchin the game 5, nuggets vs. lamelakers....

birdman just had an amazing block..

lets pull out another win shall we?

wtf cleveland.

you know what cleveland... your sex appeal and fame wont get you everywhere...

lebron.. you are a beautiful man.. and delonte can get it too.. but damn..
a clutch team you are not

i mean.. the magic? is this a frickin joke?

and i will admit that the NBA is definitley tryna cheat so that kobe and lebron can play against eachother...
but the cavs arent even playin well

how the fuck do you lose when the calls are in your favor...
you know how? if the other team plays harder than you

this is preposterous..or however you spell it.. but the magic deserved it tonite... ugh... smh..

until tomorrow

chicken and watermelon

got my nails painted terra cotta colour today... and realized i didnt have enought to get my feet done too.. because times are hard and we are in a recession... lol.. :)

... saw a new baby.. and decided that babies are cute.. and it wuld be interesting to see what mine would look like.. however.. my life has no room or money for one at this time....

o ya and i ate a burrito...

currently watchin the magic v. cavs game.. eatin chicken and watermelon... i know.. very black of me..haha... hopefully cavs dont dissapoint...

good job last nite nuggets :)....

my dream series.... cavs vs. nuggets... o yes!

btw.. in searching for chicken and watermelon pics.. here is what i found...ppl are so muthafrickin racist its unbelievable

nuggets

watchin the nuggets whoop up on overrated kobe. lets go denver :)

oh ya... and kenyon martin<3

charles hamilton.

okay.. for those of you who have been under a rock and missed briana latrice.. b.k.a. mary j blige's stepdaughter sucka punch charles hamilton in the middle of a freestyle battle... this is what happened

• charles hamilton got punched
• he said something about a past abortion
• briana latrice is his girl/ assistant?
• she got mad

well supposedly.. after hoodnews captured the swing.. he apologized and the two are good now.. shout out to charles hamilton for bein a real man... i still love him :) his flow is dope... nuff said. google him if you don know.

gibberish. recap of weekend.

FRIDAY
so the other day... friday.. was my 19th birthday... it was a lovely day mixed with rain. i went to cheesecake factory with my family, and then came home and hung out with my ex/new best friend. it was great.. then i watched the cavs barely beat the magic and then went out with my girls for a nite on the town... we went to a club called tabu and had so much fun being the center of attention on the dance floor.

SATURDAY
saturday i stayed home with the dogs while ma went to my bro's beisbol tournament. kinda pissed that i stayed home at all... the only reason i didnt go too was because my exbestfriend franklin bullshit hammond said that he would be coming to orlando to visit me.... smh... that obviously didnt happen... so all day all i did was straighten my newly coloured hair... in which.. mite i add... my hairdresser went a little crazy with.. which is why i now have patches of blonde and red.. and even small strands of pink... smh... anyway.... i straightened my rainbow coloured hair and then watched Cadillac records about four times.. it made me cry.. then i downloaded a whole bunch of etta james/ muddy waters/ howlin wolf/little walter songs and sung them... then i took a nap.. and went to the movies to see terminator with some guy i had met at the club.... the movie was ok... if u like that sort of action shit.. but i nearly fell asleep.. and the guy i went with never called me after that.. possibly because when he tried to kiss me i moved my head.. idk.. o well... thats that

SUNDAY
sunday i went to the outlets and shoped with my mother.. i bout some heels from saks.... for 35 $$$ so that was amazing... nd then we went home and ate waffles and watched the game... luckily i fell asleep and didnt have to witness the unfortunate loss of the cavs... theyll be back for game 4!!!

TODAY
that brings me to today... hmm... im currently sitting on my bed writing this and brushing my teeth... well actually.. the toothbrush is just stuck in my mouth .. as i need two hands to type... but anyway.. im soing that... and listening to ben harper... and about to go to chipotle to get a chicken burrito and all the while dream about a carnitas burrito.. which i wish i could eat.. but cant.. because of the fact that im rasta.. and thus... we dont eat pork... oh jah. <3

i just wanna jerk.

Yesterday I discoverd a new dance called JERKIN. i think it started out in cali or somethin , and i really love it. to me it looks like boppin, crip walkin, moon walkin, and roller skatin all in one. and the music that goes with the dance is pacdiv/tyga/the pack-styled... nice... ive attempted to conquer it myself.

this is jerkin.

wale

wale is frickin sexy. i love his swag. and he's hip hop. for real. heres him @ SNEAKER PIMPS.

VIMBY - Sneaker Pimps x Wale

mos def

i cannot wait until the new album drops. mos def is my soul mate.
heres a preview :

Mos Def - Words - The Ecstatic - available 6/9/09

found this new singer on you tube. pretty great. makes me smile.
check him out.
AJ Rafael

one day a guy will write this about me.

i heard a whisper in my ear and turned too slowly.
only fast enough to sense that someone was once there.
she was five steps away but three steps to fast and my motions were a tad too slow.
and thus i missed her.
i missed what could have been an eternity of bliss between she and me.
i missed her breath smooth like the oil of a rose petal that has just fallen.
i missed her touch that would have created an adrenaline rush comparable to that of a gladiator right before he is about to slay the lion and become a hero.. a touch that would have been firm and yet delightful, a touch that would surpass any sensation i had ever experienced upon my brown skin.
if i had not turned ever so slowly i would have been greeted by the epitome of radiance. through her mahogany skin the sun would have shone and been a ray short of blinding my eyes.
her smile alone would have caused me to breathe 12 hail mary's and 16 hallelujahs and yet cause me to still continue thinking that i had not thanked the good lord enough.
upon our meeting we would have immediately connected, like two fresh magnets finally finding their matches, and our bodies would connect , her curves nestling in between mine.
the way in which we slipped into place, one would think she was the mold that originally shaped me.
my angel, why did i come so short of meeting you?
was it because my sins have outweighed the good?
was it because my life has not been hard enough to finally gain ease?
or was it because , just as you pursed your lips to whisper me a secret, someone did the same to you?


ps. i am not a lesbian. haha

VMAN

i just discovered this new web mag and its pretty genius. VMAn is like the indie, underground GQ and i love it. it is the epitome of mens fashion for the stylish, not commercial yet aaesthetically amazing man. when i meet a straight man who knows about VMAN, we will elope.

http://www.vman.com/

check it out. Ashley Olsen has a big feature in it about her new line of menswear.