my life is doomed

im upset because doctors like to misdiagnose me and give me a million and one blood tests and not give me the medicine i need and tell me to wait and postpone my recovery.

im upset because no one knows whats wrong with me and i feel terrible and have had every test done known to man.

im upset because its a waste of fucking gas, time and money to drive to orlando every fuckin week for a doctor' appt.

im upset because my gpa is shit because of minu grades and missed classes and if one were to simply look at my transcript from the last two semesters, they would think i was a ra-tard.

im upset because i cant flush the hatred away i have for a certain creature and im afraid that if i see her , authorities might have to become involved, which could be messy , because my grandfather is a well known cop in gville, and me going to jail for opening up  a can of whoopass wouldnt be a good look.

im upset that i dont write in my blog as frequently as i used to, it really is therapeudic.

im upset that bad girls club was erased from the dvr at my parents house.

im upset that guys keep asking me to shoot pics and video for them , when really their only intention is to smash and they couldn't think of  a more clever way of approaching me, and thus decided to pretend they were actually interested in business and being successful in life. smh

#in2010

Everyone keeps speaking of all the changes theyre going to make in 2010....

thats great and all.. but i decided to start my changes before the new year....

im so excited for this year to progress...

so excited to start doin more art.. filming.. and shooting.. and hopefully getting my name out there....

Last nite i had a really good conversation with a friend of mine who has now become my mentor...

he really opened my eyes as we talked about school.. and being successful in life.... and lthough id rather
jumostart to a career now..

he helped me understand that im still like mad young and once i learn more. ill be on top...

hes an aspiring filmmaker as well....

anywho... prolly gonna post my short video i made starring my lil bro... and then some of his pics from a shoot i had...

when i get back to gville.. i have a couple shoots to take care of.. an im sposed to shoot a video...

however .. im battling with the the current situation about me not getting paid... like im all for bettering myself and getting to meet good influential people..

however..... sometimes unfortunately.. it really does come down to.. "whats in it for me?"

and because i do have experience on a professional video shoot as the photographer.. id really like it if people took me more seriously..

and slid over the cash.

until next time.
♥ niaimani

holiday with kobe and lebron

haha. i like this. lupe is blitzen.

I hate wen people try so hard to be different. Like too hard. By trying to meet certain ppl dress a certain way... and even listen to certain music .. Be yourself. If your not naturally interesting and vibrant... Well damn thats your fault.

thursday nites suck.

after greys anatomy and private practice go off.. and everyone on the show realizes how much they love one another. thats when i start to cry. because all ive got are my paints and canvases and cakes and my once-white-now off white teddy bear to keep me company.

anyway.

im reading this johnathan glassman article on slave rebellion right now and im so annoyed. whats with old white scholars trying to find deeper meanings to simple questions about black people?

glassmans essay addresses the question: "Why did slaves rebel?"

um. duh.

because who the fuck wants to be a slave?

maybe im reading it wrong.. but the author seems so fascinated that slaves actually tried to escape from their more than terrible situations.

idk. all of this is pretty confusing to me.

sometimes it seems like people are more interested in other people's backgrounds than their own.

in school, it often seems like white people are more interested in african history and roots, than black americans.

but then again, as black americans, we have no connection to africa.

our history was stolen.

so why be interested in a mass of land that is rumored to be the seed of all things living.

as far as i know my family is from random places in the usa.

and my white friend in class , well his family is from glasgow, scotland.

so why cant my american come first?

i wish i could throw away my hyphen and its predecessor.