fail.

ive been in a state of failure lately.

sad. i know.

last week i failed 2 tests, failed at a possible friendship, failed a story, and failed at being cheerful. FUCK.

then this week so far, ive been really annoyed, and sick, and just eeew.

i failed a story today.. because of a fact error. almost cried twice, and i wore SWEATPANTS AND BIRKENSTOCKS! in front of people.

i really need to get it together.

anyway, im currently trying to piece my life together and smile along the way.

i have a very strong suspicion that im extremely close to finding out that i have an uncurable chronic sickness.

i feel like garbage. im annoyed at people. and my skin is irritated by wind, coldness, heat, and water. wtf.

i have to go outside, and i have to bathe.

so my ass is just walkin round uncomfortable and sad.

FAIL.

speaking of failing...
i need to make a list. a fail list

• people who stand up while eating.
• people who eat frozen dinners and think theyre going to get skinny.
• people who lie to themselves.
• people who are dirty/messy.
• people who make noise when they eat.
• people who lick their fingers.
• people who hide food.
• people who try to cheat others $$$.
• people who pretend.
• people who do nothing but gossip.
• people who sit in you seat in class, when youve been sitting there for 3 months already
• girls who wear flares
• girls who are dirty.
• girls who wear colorful belts and big sneakers with jeans and look like theyre in middle school.
• girls with bad hair, caused by FAILED perms.
• girls with fake fake hair who dont comb it.
• girls with cheap weave.
• girls with no edges.
• people with bad teeth.
• boys who cant dress.
• boys who act like girls and then try to date girls.
• people who smell weird.
• people who sit close to me on the bus when there are a million other seats available.
• people who park next to me when there are a million other parks.

AND THATS JUST A FEW FAILS FOR TODAY.

i love you alot.

i feel terrible.
why am i forever sick?

my whole body aches and i get so so so tired too too too fast!

i almost passed out today in africa class. i had to leave early!

anyway.. i really think that i need to go to the doctor asap.

as of now.. i am staring at my room with laundry that needs to be folded and smh.

so i guess im gonna fold those as i work on this never ending audio project.

i need to clean my room b4 the man who parted the red sea comes over.

anyway.... saw a couple of ex friends today... and it really hurt my feelings that a person who i have known since before i had boobs, now gives me a wave like

hey i dont really know you but i guess ill smile and say hi.

ya that really hurts my heart... especially because the reason that we are no longer friends is a mystery to me.

i really shouldnt care .. but im a sweet gal.. and i like friends... to lose one is like someone sticking my heart with a fork.

but thats fine. if youd rather be friends with shaboodalankas... then you go right ahead missy.

in other news, the rain really put a damper on the day. no pun intended.

but dang. when my hair is straight, why must it precipitate? NOT COOL.

really excited about this weekend, going to miami to photograph people on the set of piccalo's "vibin" video. REALLY REALLY EXCITED!

getting my name out there as an artist is always awesome :)

btw. im broke. it really sucks. i need cash flow asap. im almost ready to sell my designs to that sketchy dude so that i can make a quick $800. what do ya think?

we're not the same

paramores new album is dope. brand new eyes. go get it!

neway.. i feel like cuttin somethin up right now. and by something i mean clothes. i havent made anything in a while...... hmmmmmmm

today was a good day..

i:

• started recording again
• cleaned out my computer
• met with costume designer
• got compliments on my designs by people who matter
• had a great lunch with a new friend
• and a candy/couch party with an old friend
• drank no fear energy for the first time
• took some good pics
• had a photo shoot in my house
• relaxed.

yes. today was a good day.

59 words.

ive decided that from now on. every day im going to think of a random topic, word or subject, and write 50 or so words about it. the first thing that comes to my head.

starting now.
topic: KISSING.

Kissing. Sometimes your lips want company, they lightly itch for a match, something else soft that can brush them, caress them , and forcefully push against them. Which in turn creates the feeling of floating, like your stomach is going to rise up into your throat and give off sparks to the one that you currently lock lips with. ♥

you cant change people.

people are gonna be how theyre gonna be.

regardless how much you want someone to change, they won't , until they FEEL like it.

your roommate will still be messy, no matter how many times you tell her to clean up.

your best friend will still be a bullshit artist no matter how many times you call him on his shit.

your dad will never be impressed with you no matter how many cool things you do.

THATS LIFE.

anywho...
ive realized that if i want my apartment to be a nice atmosphere, then ill have to clean it and organize it myself.

you cant wait on people to do things you want done for yourself.

ive also realized that if i want to have a great day, and be happy and smiley, then i have to make myself happy, and not rely on anyone else to make my heart flutter and my dimples poke out.

ill be fine just with nia.
♥